I know I shouldn’t lose hope or lose motivation, but today kicked my ass and the next couple of weeks are gonna be just as rough (or even more). Right now at this moment, life is definitely throwing some curveballs at my family and me.
I’ve been volunteering at the clinic for almost a month and if it’s one thing I’ve learned so far:
Latinos are the most humble people when it comes to asking for help. And they appreciate everything you do for them. Every time I follow up with my clients they always tell me how grateful and happy they are with me. Getting a thanks is honestly the most rewarding thing I have ever received.
“Life is going to present to you a series of transformations. And the point of education should be to transform you. To teach you how to be transformed so you can ride the waves as they come. But today, the point of education is not education. It’s accreditation. The more accreditation you have, the more money you make. That’s the instrumental logic of neoliberalism. And this instrumental logic comes wrapped in an envelope of fear. And my Ivy League, my MIT students are the same. All I feel coming off of my students is fear. That if you slip up in school, if you get one bad grade, if you make one fucking mistake, the great train of wealth will leave you behind. And that’s the logic of accreditation. If you’re at Yale, you’re in the smartest 1% in the world. […] And the brightest students in the world are learning in fear. I feel it rolling off of you in waves. But you can’t learn when you’re afraid. You cannot be transformed when you are afraid.”—
— Hey, hippie girl, you Mexican? On both sides?
— Front & back, I say.
— You sure don’t look Mexican.
A part of me wants to kick their ass. A part of me feels sorry for their stupid ignorant selves. But if you’ve never been farther south than Nuevo Laredo, how the hell would you know what Mexicans are supposed to look like, right?
There are the green-eyed Mexicans. The rich blond Mexicans. The Mexicans w/the faces of Arab sheiks. The Jewish Mexicans. The big-footed-as-a-German Mexicans. The leftover-French Mexicans. The chaparrito compact Mexicans. The Tarahumara tall-as-a-desert-saguaro Mexicans. The Mediterranean Mexicans. The Mexicans w/Tunisian eyebrows. The negrito Mexicans of the double coasts. The Chinese Mexicans. The curly-haired, freckled-faced, red-headed Mexicans. The Lebanese Mexicans. Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about when you say I don’t look Mexican. I am Mexican. Even though I was born on the U.S. side of the border.
Last night was the first time I have ever felt so free and relieved from everything. It’s nice to let go and just lose yourself in moment. It genuinely was the first time I did not care or worry about anything at all. It’s a nice feeling.
Back to reality now. But I do feel refreshed. I’m gonna be fine. Everything always turns out fine.
It is a symptom of loneliness to shy away from all forms of relationships for worry of losing oneself in a daily mess of activities involving other people. It is not wrong to want to be alone, it is a way to get what one wants without imposing whatsoever on another human being. The halls of the mind can track the echo of one’s voice and avoid unprecedented intrusion.
“If you’re feeling frightened about what comes next, don’t be. Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path toward happiness; don’t waste time with regret. Spin wildly into your next action. Enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes, because you’ll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart…where your hope lives. You’ll find your way again.”—Everwood (via andcombust)
Sometimes I don’t think that people really understand me.
My need for quiet and space is often misconstrued as me being insensitive, unwelcoming or standoffish. Maybe it’s silly of me to wonder why others feel the need to judge my distance.
They are entitled to those feelings, right?
Some days I just don’t want to talk, other days I just need “me time” and I wish people really understood like they say they do. Instead, I am accused of being inconsistent, unavailable and hard to reach.
The ones closest to me understand that I may disappear for a few days but I always return. Maybe this is why I don’t invite newbies into my space, they don’t get it and are easily insulted.
I feel like I am all over the place sometimes and need to regroup without people, likes, retweets and reblogs.
In all honesty I am just being me and in reality being myself isn’t for the world to necessarily ”get.”
I like people.
I need people.
…but sometimes I don’t and that should be respected.
This is like the words were taken right out of my brain. AND her name is Alex too.
I really am trying to go somewhere for the winter. I wanna travel to the pacific northwest. Me and my sister were talking about it and we wanna plan a road trip over there. I hope it happens. No. I’m gonna make it happen.